Weird Internet :: Supernatural Sector :: VAMPIRES






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 - Vampires

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Everyone knows what vampires are. Do you know why?

Because of that goddamn Twilight movie.

Vampires are nothing like the idiots in that movie. They're more bad ass, they live in castles and some of the super powerful ones can even turn into bats. They certainly do not go all glittery in sunlight, they actually spontaneously combust, melt, turn into dust or a combination of all three.

You gotta give vampires credit because most of them are at least 300 years old and they've never really seen the light of day, and they drink blood all night long which seems kind of gross but when you think about it, it's pretty cool. Most of them are actually pretty ugly, too, but they have a hyperactive sex drive and lust after hot babes. If they find themselves impotent then they suck the hot babe's blood.

Some fun facts you might not have known about vampires:

+ Vampires have no reflection but this doesn't stop them from maintaining a well groomed appearance

+ Vampires cannot move across moving water unless they have dirt in their pockets

+ Vampires love to count (thats why their names are always prefixed with Count, like Count Dracula)

+ Vampires love counting so much that if they find a pile of rice or beans, they will count every single one and then start over again

+ Vampires have a photographic memory but don't understand how to use cameras because they're so old that the buttons confuse them too much